Broken Concentration

We are in the throes of our busy August, and I've had so much on my mind I've not written simply because I couldn't find anything one thing to focus on. So here is the mish-mash of things going on, thoughts, and happenings that have rested themselves in my head and heart, leading to a state of constant broken concentration.

My 30th birthday is tomorrow, and I'm underwhelmed by the prospect of moving into my 30s when I already feel so old. I've never been one of those people who has really cared about getting older, and I'm actually slightly annoyed that this birthday bothers me so much. I'd love to age fearlessly and with grace, but I guess that isn't my innate style.

Next weekend Dan's uncle is getting married, and we are traveling to Rochester for that. The following weekend Dan's family is having a get together on the same day we are doing my first 30 mile bike ride, for which I am completely unprepared.

I've started a new audiobook, Anne Rice's Angel Time. I tried reading it once, but lost interest and lost time. I'm disappointed because I have not felt engaged in her writing since she left the Vampire Chronicles and Mayfair Witch series. I miss my old "go to" author. Guess it may be time to research some new material.

With the heat lightening up a bit the past several days, I've been trying to make opportunities to get the boys outside. The other day, Colton took his first wagon ride through the neighborhood, while Tyler rode his bike. He seemed much more comfortable traveling that way, than he did in the bike trailer.

After a failed morning of furniture shopping early on a Sunday (apparently no furniture places in Lafayette open before noon on Sundays) we stopped for a quick look at the botanical gardens close to our house. We didn't get far, as it was close to lunch and a pretty humid day, but the boys were interested and we learned the umbrella stroller is useless for off roading!

I have already been thinking about and starting some christmas shopping. In past years it wasn't a big deal to do most if our shopping the last few months if the year, but now that we are surviving on one income fairly successfully, I want to not destroy our credit card debt free lifestyle for something I knew was coming for months! I've found some sales, and have even planned out what I'm going to be making for whom this year, I've almost got one of those gifts accomplished!

We are nearing the end of our green beans, zucchini, and maybe peppers & okra for the garden, and are clearly starting to hit tomato & gourd season. Tomatoes are wonderful, but at times a daunting task to keep up with, especially if you don't want to be wasteful. This is our first year for gourds, and I'm excited about those. I'm going I'm doing the right thing in waiting to pick them until the vines die off. It feels wrong to just let it all sit there when it looks ready!

A whole lot of little things, with no real time to focus on anything. The break in the heat has brought me one solid reoccurring thought however: I can't wait for fall.

Feeling Overwhelmed? There isn’t always a solution.

I was just literally rained out of green bean picking so I guess this is as good a time as any to stop and write for a moment. Tyler is playing his leapfrog for an hour, which keeps him quiet during Colton’s nap, and gives me some time to get some things accomplished unhindered.

I knew that when I stayed home my workload would change. I knew it would be busy, varied, and I knew it would be difficult at times. (Like any job.) I didn’t really anticipate the occasional arrival of the feeling of being overwhelmed with things to do. I suppose that isn’t something that we can ever truly escape, whether we work like dogs, divide the time between work and family, or dedicate our time solely to our families.  

I have to admit that now I find the feeling of being overwhelmed more difficult to deal with. When I was at work, it was easier to say, “I’m one person managing a big life, and some tight deadlines, I’m going to get overwhelmed and just have to breathe and trudge through it.” That is difficult to do now. Perhaps I shortchange what I do and what I am accomplishing, but I get frustrated because I feel like I used to manage it all with less time. I guess the difference now is that I am doing more as my own boss. As my own boss, I have myself to answer to and my expectations of myself have always been more unreasonable than anyone’s expectations of me.

How to manage this? For me, tackling projects, and multi-tasking with something I enjoy (one ear dedicated to an audio book, another listening to the boys) is the easiest way to get things done. Oddly enough, this is the same way I dealt with my workload while at work, I just gave myself more of a break! However, when it comes to free-time and getting things done throughout the day, it isn’t always a steady stream of work dedicated to crossing things off of my to-do list like it was at work. I had an office where I could shut the door to focus, and a list of things to get done by this time, and I didn’t always have the level of interruptions or “fire-fighting” I have now.  The list of things to get accomplished now is constantly overshadowed by the #1 Priority of someone else’s needs or need for attention. (I can’t be home and ignore my kids all day so I can cross things off our list!) There is very little opportunity to focus. (Sometimes that can be a procrastinator’s dream when it is a distraction from something you really don’t want to do in the first place!)

Being your own boss though, means being accountable for the things that happen, as well as being accountable for the things that don’t. Owning to that responsibility at times is tough, especially when you feel like you are falling behind.

I guess I tend to like to get the nasty things done first, so that I can quickly get to my “reward” of having some peace of mind. Overwhelmed, for me, comes when everything on the list is something I don’t want to do, and one accomplishment leads to another task I’d rather avoid. The simple for me to address this I suppose would be: Being a grown up sucks sometimes, but at least I’m doing something good and I’m finally where I should be. I always wanted to have myself to answer to, how does that feel today? Plllb.

I guess it beats being bored!

Coos and Bullies

Life with a preemie and a three year old. Yes, interesting. Colt has finally reached a healthy 8 lbs for a 3 month old baby, and this is a great thing. He is catching up quickly, and spending less time sleeping… already! He is starting to enjoy “talking” and cooing and sometimes I swear words accidently slip out even though I’m sure it is more my/our brains registering it as a familiar word than him actually acknowledging he understands something or has any idea what he is saying at all.

Plans for holidays are starting to come together. Thanksgiving at my mother’s house with her & my stepfather, my sister’s family, my family, and my in-laws. That’s going to be a lot of people for that little house, but we’ve have big groups in small spaces before, and if nothing else, it helps us keep a tight rein on the children. … and let’s have some excitement for the upcoming of Black Friday! Yay! Wonder who is going to step up to watch the kids for us this year? Any volunteers?

Ty has been grappling with how to deal with a bully at school this week, which is sort of interesting and totally heart-breaking at such an early age. He got bit so hard the other day at school that the other boy broke the skin on Ty’s leg through his jeans. Tyler keeps talking to us about it even though the two war wounds he received the other day were the only physical effects he has shown for his trouble this week. Bullies at three… ugh. Not to mention a complete meltdown he had this morning when I tried to get him dressed. A bad mood from him is not uncharacteristic for the morning, but this level of meltdown was. Poor guy, I think he is looking forward to the weekend. I think we will try to take it easy and get some pumpkins.

Tyler has said more than once he wants to be a bunny for Halloween. I think this is the 3^rd or 4^th costume idea he has had this year. His last was Iron Man, and I was sort of looking forward to that one. I’m not sure how I feel about the bunny. J Boo for Halloween on a Sunday night. I’m not sure we will get a chance to take them trick-or-treating because of the school night. I’m torn about Halloween this year, and I know my time to get ready is counting down.

On a more positive note, we have learned how to exhaust Tyler... Give him a kite, and let him run around the backyard with it for about an hour. This is what happens... And please note, this kid is definitely NOT known for his "relaxing". He is always thinking, and always doing. 

We are definitely willing to take kite donations for anyone who wishes to contribute to the sanity of the parents of a young boy.