Feeling Overwhelmed? There isn’t always a solution.

I was just literally rained out of green bean picking so I guess this is as good a time as any to stop and write for a moment. Tyler is playing his leapfrog for an hour, which keeps him quiet during Colton’s nap, and gives me some time to get some things accomplished unhindered.

I knew that when I stayed home my workload would change. I knew it would be busy, varied, and I knew it would be difficult at times. (Like any job.) I didn’t really anticipate the occasional arrival of the feeling of being overwhelmed with things to do. I suppose that isn’t something that we can ever truly escape, whether we work like dogs, divide the time between work and family, or dedicate our time solely to our families.  

I have to admit that now I find the feeling of being overwhelmed more difficult to deal with. When I was at work, it was easier to say, “I’m one person managing a big life, and some tight deadlines, I’m going to get overwhelmed and just have to breathe and trudge through it.” That is difficult to do now. Perhaps I shortchange what I do and what I am accomplishing, but I get frustrated because I feel like I used to manage it all with less time. I guess the difference now is that I am doing more as my own boss. As my own boss, I have myself to answer to and my expectations of myself have always been more unreasonable than anyone’s expectations of me.

How to manage this? For me, tackling projects, and multi-tasking with something I enjoy (one ear dedicated to an audio book, another listening to the boys) is the easiest way to get things done. Oddly enough, this is the same way I dealt with my workload while at work, I just gave myself more of a break! However, when it comes to free-time and getting things done throughout the day, it isn’t always a steady stream of work dedicated to crossing things off of my to-do list like it was at work. I had an office where I could shut the door to focus, and a list of things to get done by this time, and I didn’t always have the level of interruptions or “fire-fighting” I have now.  The list of things to get accomplished now is constantly overshadowed by the #1 Priority of someone else’s needs or need for attention. (I can’t be home and ignore my kids all day so I can cross things off our list!) There is very little opportunity to focus. (Sometimes that can be a procrastinator’s dream when it is a distraction from something you really don’t want to do in the first place!)

Being your own boss though, means being accountable for the things that happen, as well as being accountable for the things that don’t. Owning to that responsibility at times is tough, especially when you feel like you are falling behind.

I guess I tend to like to get the nasty things done first, so that I can quickly get to my “reward” of having some peace of mind. Overwhelmed, for me, comes when everything on the list is something I don’t want to do, and one accomplishment leads to another task I’d rather avoid. The simple for me to address this I suppose would be: Being a grown up sucks sometimes, but at least I’m doing something good and I’m finally where I should be. I always wanted to have myself to answer to, how does that feel today? Plllb.

I guess it beats being bored!

Hindering Socialization

Staying at home has been something that I have enjoyed the past several months, but it certainly comes with its challenges as well as its benefits, for the entire family. One in particular, I didn’t anticipate.

Sometimes I’m concerned with my decision on Tyler’s behalf. At 4 years old, he has spent his entire life in daycare. He is acclimated to the society of it, the friendships, the constant activity and everything that goes along with it. I am well aware that I have removed him from this, and it has been a difficult transition for him because I have taken him away from something that was such a way of life. I will never be able to offer him the sort of entertainment and activity that a daycare environment can. I know he misses it.

I have never thought that Ty would have been better off NOT being in daycare. I’m a firm believer that the socialization that it has offered him and the formal learning environment it provides, has helped him become the observant and insightful little man that he is today. Yes, he’s learned some bad habits, but surely he would have found some of mine to copy had daycare not obliged.

He has adjusted to the change well, but slowly. We started doing “class time” for an hour or two each morning he did not go to school. That stopped for the summer, but will begin again in August with the start of the school year. He is FINALLY starting to learn that I have things I have to do without him, and sometimes he needs to play alone.

As it stands right now, he goes to preschool for 2 days a week. I think that being a part-timer at school is a difficult position for him to be in, and I have to admit that at times I feel guilty for putting him in that position. His school frequently plans activities for which they prepare though out the week. Not being there three days is a big deal. He has worked to make things for programs that he would attend, and at some times he has not been able to be a full participant in some things he would have really liked to have done. I feel responsible for this. Rightly so.

There is give & take. Although I know he misses out on some opportunities, I try to create activities to off-set this whenever we can and fill the void. He told me about a puppet show he was going to miss and to make-up for it (and relieve my guilt) I gave him his own cupcake to ice and decorate as he wished while I was making Colton’s birthday cake. Tomorrow, one of his grandma’s is coming over to watch Colton while he & I take a special trip out to see Car’s 2.

Parents never want to be the source of their children’s disappointment. Truth is, sometimes we have to disappoint them. Sometimes we have to say no to things they want because we think we are making a choice based on a bigger picture. In this case, a lifestyle change.

My attempt to replace missed opportunities with special activities or attention may be mislead. Whether it is right or wrong, or whether it is a product of guilt or fairness, I will have one year home with him before he starts school. I guess it helps me make the most of my time for now!

School next year. Holy Mother of Mayhem.